Kyle begins to sing a song about Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo. Of course, no one has any idea what the heck he's singing about. Kyle explains that Mr. Hankey comes every year to all the good boys and girls who have a lot of fiber in their diet. Everyone thinks he's insane and he gets sent to a mental institute. Eric is handing out invitations to his birthday party at school. Garrison informs them all that there is a new student joining the class. Announcing to all that he is Damien, the son of Satan.
Even as Damien demonstrates his demonic powers the children are more loathsome than impressed. Garrison deserts the class for a visit to Tom's Rhinoplasty. All the boys compete for the attention of their beautiful substitute teacher Ms.
The boys meet up with Barbara Streisand who wants to take over the world with Kyle's discovery at an archaeological dig. Cartman needs to find out who his father is but his mom is no help.
Learning that his father could be one of the many people that his mom had "relations" with during an annual party called "The Drunken Barn Dance", he finds that there's more to his mother than he thought. The show starts off with the build up from last season's cliffhanger revolving around Cartman's paternal origins. Mephisto is about to reveal who Eric Cartman's father really is!
Glass shatters and gunshots ring out. A mysterious assailant apparently shot Mephisto while the lights were off. Much to Eric's chagrin, they rush Mephisto off to the hospital. Chef rushes out the door with Mephisto in hand.
They must fight against time to learn Eric's background, who is his father? Where does he come from? Ike's going to have a Briss and everyone is invited! Stan, Kenny, and Cartman find out what a Briss really is and try to warn Kyle that his parents are going to cut off Ike's wee wee. Kyle sends Ike away to protect him from his scissor wielding parents. The Booktastic bus is in town and soon everyone finds out that Officer Barbrady can't read.
He is whisked off to school with the boys so he can save his job. While he's there someone in South Park is having sex with the town's chickens and only Officer Barbrady with his new deputies Kenny, Kyle, Stan, and Cartman can stop them! Kyle is injured and must go to see the school nurse and is terrified because of the stories he's heard.
She looks fairly normal, except for the dead fetus sticking out of her head. Kyle's mother educates the boys on her "condition" and decides that everyone in South Park should be made aware.
Meanwhile, the South Park Cows dodgeball team goes to the state, national and finally the international finals in China. Garrison assigns the boys to learn about Vietnam from somebody they know. Stan's Uncle Jimbo and his friend Ned tell the boys their outrageous tale. Garrison doesn't believe the boy's report and gives them detention. While their school bus is dangling on the edge of a cliff, the boys remember some of their past adventures.
Crabtree catches a ride into town with a stranger and winds up doing a brief stint as a standup comedienne. Back in South Park, Mr. Mackey convinces the parents that their missing children must have run away. In the end it's all a dream within a dream. Schools out for summer and with Mr. Hat missing, Mr. Garrison is over the edge. The state has a ban on the sale of fireworks, and it screws up the boy's plans for a 4th of July celebration.
Garrison seeks psychiatric help from Dr. Katz while Jimbo and Ned go to Mexico, in an attempt to smuggle fireworks back to the children of America. A film festival moves to South Park, only to have a devastating effect on the sewer system. Hankey calls upon Kyle for help.
The movie people interpret Kyle's pleading as a pitch and they quickly turn his story into a film starring Tom Hanks and a monkey they call "Mr. Soon Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls energizes everyone. Cartman's mother plots to give the boys the chickenpox by sending them over to Kenny's for a sleepover. Both Stan and Cartman breakout, but Kyle remains immune.
Kyle discovers "the parental conspiracy" and with the other boys hires a prostitute to give their parents herpes. Meanwhile, Kenny's mother and Kyle's mother reunite their husbands who were both childhood friends that drifted apart.
The kids go on a field trip to the planetarium. All of the children except Cartman are acting weird. As usual Stan and Kyle, with Kenny's sacrifice, try to get to bottom of the mystery. Meanwhile, Cartman wins an appearance on a snack commercial. The four boys get to the root of the strange planetarium. Stan needs to build a clubhouse so he and Kyle can play "Truth or Dare" with Wendy and her friend, who has a crush on Kyle. Cartman and Kenny retaliate by building a clubhouse of their own; only theirs has hot chicks.
Meanwhile, the Marshes marriage breaks up and Stan learns a valuable lesson about love and family. South Park's annual "Cow Days" party is happening! The cows become transfixed on a cow statue. In order to get the money they need to win Terrance and Phillip dolls, the boys sign Cartman up for a bull riding contest. A freak accident has Cartman believing he is a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Li. The boys learn about money and cow insanity.
Chef is getting sued by Capitalist Records for trying to obtain the rights to a song he wrote twenty years ago. He needs 2 million dollars to hire Johnny Cochran. In response the boys round up all of Chef's old musician friends and organize a huge concert to raise the cash. Sharon Marsh's Aunt Flo makes her monthly visit and she has present for Stan, a fish. Stan's fish really freaks him out, especially when the dead bodies start piling up.
Marsh is convinced Stan is doing the killings and begins hiding the bodies. Kyle, Stan and Kenny accompany Eric and his family to a Christmas celebration with the Cartman family. One of Cartman's relatives breaks out of jail for the reunion, with his cellmate, Charles Manson. Harbucks coffee plans to move into South Park and drive Tweek coffee shop out of business.
Garrison assigns a report on current events to help him keep his job. The boys are planning on doing their report on the underpants gnomes. Tweek's father schemes to use the boy's report as a platform for fighting Harbucks.
The report the boys deliver sparks the town into taking action. Kyle falls into a cave. Stan goes to rescue him and finds an iceman, and the two fight each other for sole credit.
Mephisto discovers that the iceman has been frozen since The iceman is put on display and the fighting Kyle and Stan free him. The iceman tries to return to his family, but finds himself a man out of time.
Meanwhile, the government has their own plans to use the iceman in their plot against Sweden. Mackey punishes the boys by forcing them to join the "Getting Gay With Kids" choir. The choir is going to Costa Rica to help save the rainforest. While on a tour of the rainforest the choir group gets lost when a snake kills their guide.
They soon discover the evils of the rainforest, which changes the choir group's message. Kenny spontaneously combusts. The mayor asks Randy Marsh to find a solution. The boys try to help Kyle's dad to get an erection. One way they think they can help is by performing the Stations of the Cross at church crucifying Cartman and waiting three days for his res-erection.
Randy Marsh figures out the reason everyone is combusting is because they are withholding their farts. Kyle and Stan try to rescue Chef from the clutches of the Succubus that he is going to marry.
Meanwhile, Cartman deals with his eye problems and the optometrist he doesn't like. Chef's Mama and Papa appear for the first time. The boys discover a live prehistoric Jakovasaur while camping on Stark's Pond.
The government and the citizens of South Park are interested in trying to help keep this endangered species alive, until they all realize how annoying the Jakovasaurs really are. The only one who really enjoys them is Cartman.
The boys try distracting him while the town tries to send the Jakovasaurs to France. The boys take Shop class and try to set-up a fight between Tweek and Craig.
Kenny is delighted in safely taking the Home Economics course. When the big fight arrives, the combatants don't know what to do; so Jimbo and Ned teach Tweek boxing and Cartman has Craig instructed in the art of Sumo. Shop teacher Mr. Adler has a recurring dream about a woman that he was never able to say goodbye to.
Sexual Harassment Panda visits Mr. Garrison's class. Cartman sues Stan for sexual harassment and Kyle's dad is getting rich. The boys go in search of "Sexual Harassment Panda" to stop the insanity. He becomes Petey, the "don't sue people" Panda. Shelly Marsh is babysitting Cartman. Shelly invites her boyfriend over and he in turn invites his band. Cartman has to prove that Shelly has violated the rules. Meanwhile, the Cartman's cat is in heat, searches for a good time and invites all the cats in the neighborhood back to the empty Cartman house for an orgy.
Stan's parents bring him to Mr. Mackey's party, but he gets sent down to the basement to be with the lame kids. Kyle and Stan's fathers experiment with their homosexual tendencies. The ATF is convinced that the meteor shower party is actually a gathering of a religious cult that is going to commit suicide when the meteor shower arrives.
Stan tries to save himself and the party from the ATF. His parents are going to attend Mr. Mackey's party. At camp, Ike is sent to join the little group called "Squirts. This art is key to the Jewish elders celebration of Moses however, Moses identifies Kenny as not being Jewish and Kenny is banished from the camp.
Korn comes to South Park for a Halloween gig and learns of the boys problems with the 5th graders at South Park Elementary. Korn agrees to help the boys get revenge on the mean 5th graders all in a spooky Scooby Doo rip off! The kids of South Park discover Chinpokomon, Japan's 1 cool toy to own! Wanting to avoid being losers, they persuade their parents to buy them the toys only to discover that the Chinpokomon are designed to brainwash them into bombing Pearl Harbor.
The parents band together to stop Japan and save America! Cartman is about to give Eric a present. Kyle finds Rebecca Cutswald to be quite intriguing and tries to woo her with his charm and teach her how to love and learn in public school. Starvin' Marvin finds an alien ship and begins searching out a new home for his people. The government interrogates the boys to find out about Marvin and direct them to Sally Struthers.
Marvin stops in South Park to pick up the boys and take them to the planet Marklar. The Marklarians are willing to let the Ethiopians relocate to their world and the Christian channel does all they can to stop them. Cartman persuades the drunken lot to defeat the northerners so that he can win a bet with Kyle and Stan that will make them his slaves for one month. Hankey introduces 10 musical segments highlighting songs the on the CD "Mr.
Hankey's Christmas Classics. Cartman is convinced he is going through puberty since he started bleeding out of his ass. Mephisto gives Stan some hormones and he takes the entire bottle. Stan gets facial hair, boobs and his voice starts changing. People are waiting outside of Jesus' home to see what kind of miracle he offers which ends up involving a comeback performance of a very old Rod Stewart and eventually an appearance by God.
Garrison doesn't want to go because his father still lives there. At the concert Stan and Kyle try to figure out a way to "out cool" the kids from New York. Cartman tries to find "the brown noise" and is successful. Stan and Kyle plan against the kids from New York but their scheme goes much too far. The tooth fairy has visited Cartman, leaving him two dollars.
He rushes to the bus stop to share his news with the others. He then unveils his latest plan. If all they all combined their lost teeth, the tooth fairy will provide them with enough cash to purchase a Sega Dreamcast. They soon find out that they are treading on someone else's territory. Now they have to work with the mobsters to keep their manhood.
The kids have just won a sledding race. Token says that the only reason they won is because of Eric's fat ass. The girls challenge the boys to a sledding race down Phil Collins Hill. Token says that the boys can't lose thanks to Eric's fat ass. Eric then tosses a rock into the side of Token's head. The FBI claim that this was a hate crime and Cartman is sent to jail. Can the other boys bust Cartman out in time for the big race?
There's something wrong with new student Timmy. About the only thing Timmy can do is say his name. Ignorant of the fact that Timmy is "retarded", he is "diagnosed" with ADD, which relieves him of the responsibility to do any homework. Soon the rest of the class manages to get diagnosed with ADD, and all get prescribed Ritalin.
Everyone is on Ritalin and just complacent enough to sit through a Phil Collins show. The boys discover 8-year-old contorting quintuplets from Romania. Cartman decides to stage his own performance. The quintuplets and their grandmother defect from Romania and wind up staying at the Marsh's home.
Thanks to Grandpa Marsh the girls' grandmother gets "loved to death. Cartman decides to seek the friendship of older men. Using the Internet, he makes a connection with men who love to hang out with little boys. The boys learn how much an adult can really love a child. Kyle needs a kidney transplant and Cartman is a perfect donor. The other boys go to Cartman's house with the plan to take one of his kidneys. Cartman thwarts their plan. Stan, depressed about the inevitable loss of his friend decides to take action into his own hands and with the help of the parents gets Cartman's kidney for Kyle.
Chef is declaring that South Park's flag is racist. Wendy ends up confessing to Bebe of her attraction to Cartman. The debate starts, but before Wendy can make her point, she kisses Cartman to regain her composure.
Randy Marsh is against Stan's participation in any boy band for dark reasons. The boys land a gig at the local mall when it is threatened because there are only 4 members in the band. Stan arrives and the group is set to perform when suddenly the mall elevator tragically crushes Kenny.
A former boy band member steps into the spotlight to save the gig. The boys attend church and the priest puts the fear of hell in them.
They must go to Sunday school and learn that they must confess their sins. The boys are worried about Timmy, after all, he can only say his name. Feeling the need to confess their sins they catch the priest in a compromising position and decide to save themselves. Cartman preaches and the children begin plans to build a church. Satan spends the night with Saddam. Kenny wasn't killed in the previous episode, but the bus that ran him over stops in Mexico, where Kenny is found.
Satan, in his time of crisis turns to God for advice. Cartman is discovered as a fraud and is sent to Mexico for punishment. The kids have to face the 4th grade, and they're not too happy about it. Cartman cooks up a scheme to go back in time to return to the 3rd grade where things were fun and easy.
Two geeks help them rig Timmy's wheelchair into a working time machine and send Timmy on the trip of his life! Cartman has a new Trapper Keeper that blows Kyle's out of the water After he's done bragging, a stranger tells him that it will soon take over the world if they don't destroy it now. Cool A Space Odyssey and Akira parodies! The boys are doing their version of the Helen Keller Story and plan to beat the kindergartners show.
Timmy stars as Helen Keller and gets a new friend to play with! Fireworks, fountains, and outstanding musicals galore! This is the story of Pip's origin. Pip gets a job at the Havesham Estate where he meets Estella. She only spurns his optimism with insults.
When Pip is offered the opportunity to become a gentleman he goes to London only to discover that Miss Havesham plans to break his heart. Her plan is to use Pip's tears to power her Genesis device and will allow her to gain revenge on all men. Cartman holds an intervention for her son's eating problem and is sending him to fat camp. Cartman returns from camp, 40 lbs. Cartman is selling candy to the fat kids. Kenny is challenged by the other children to do crazy things for money.
Kenny's popularity rises and he soon gets his own TV show. An event happens where Kenny gets inside Ms. Crabtree's uterus for six hours. The "Raging Pussies" concert is on! Kyle calls the police and say his parents have been "molestering" him. Soon all the children are calling in on all the adults in South Park. Until only children live in South Park.
Someone from out of town breaks down and they have the task of retrieving a book for the fat-ass. The locked-up adults of South Park get therapy to prevent them from sexually abusing their children. Kyle and Ike anxiously await Mr. When he doesn't show, Kyle calls the others for a late night emergency meeting. They find Mr. Hankey living with his alcoholic wife and their three little nuggets.
He tells them that no one is into Christmas. They all decide to try and spread some Christmas cheer. Their effort fails and the boys decide to create an animated special of their own. Featuring Jesus, Santa Claus and themselves. Only Chef and the boys can save South Park, and the world! The boys rally to his defense, with the help of the new "handi-capable" kid, Jimmy.
But there's only room for one crippled kid in South Park, so Timmy and Jimmy throw off the gloves, as well as the crutches and wheelchair, in an all out slugfest to end all slugfests. Stan finds out early that the Blainiacs are not as nice as they thought. Stan has to convince Kyle, Kenny and Cartman that they've been brainwashed Jesus has a few tricks up his sleeve! Super Best Friends to the rescue! Radiohead guest stars and plays a role in Cartman's elaborate scheme at getting sweet revenge on his unsuspecting foe.
In the grand tradition of Wham UK, flatulant Canadian superstars, Terrance and Phillip, have broken up over creative differences. The clock is ticking as the boys struggle to reunite the fartastic duo, and recruit them in time for South Park's Earth Day festivities. Cartman inherits one million dollars from his grandmother, fulfilling his lifelong dream of owning his own amusement park, Cartmanland!
A hemorrhoid erupts in Kyle's ass when he learns of Cartman's undeserved fortune, making him question the very existence of God, and whether there's a reason to stay alive in a world where someone like Cartman is happy. Thanks to Stan's "handy" work, the children of South Park must endure sex education from the unlikely duo of Mr.
Mackey and Ms. While the two adults take their lessons to heart, the children are left frightened, mis-informed, and armed for battle against the opposite sex. Much hilarity ensues. The boys get a new video game system and their plans for the next 38 hours is to play it! Untill they discover Towelie, a government secret, genetically engineered towel that gets his special powers from gettin' high.
When the government steals Stan's new Game Sphere the boys will stop at nothing to get it back. Losing precious gaming time they find Towelie and begin the struggle of the century. In the wake of the terrorist attack on the United States, the boys find themselves accidentally sent to Afghanistan, where they encounter their Afghani counterparts and try to understand why they hate Americans.
While they are there they also take on the Taliban and Cartman pits his fat ass against Bin Laden himself. Cartman has finally gone too far when a prank involving Kenny's sweet cheeks results in him blowing a "funny fuse.
Much ass kissing ensues. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison invents an alternative form of transportation that requires the rider to use more than just their hands and legs to control it. Feeling like an outcast for being the only rich kid in town, Token succeeds in attracting several other wealthy people to South Park. Meanwhile, the townspeople, fearing that their little hamlet is rapidly going up the drain, attempt to run the new residents out of town by any means necessary.
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